Helping a Grandchild Through Grief: What the Specialists Say

There's rarely a "right moment" to tell a child someone has died, and most people worry they'll get it wrong. We're not going to give you our own advice on this, there are UK charities who specialise in exactly this, and their guidance is worth knowing.

Winston's Wish: use plain, honest words

According to Winston's Wish, "died" and "dead" are the words that actually help a child, not "gone to sleep," "passed away," or "lost" — softer language can genuinely confuse young children or make them frightened of sleep, or of losing people in a literal sense. Their guidance is consistently clear: honesty, in age-appropriate language, is what children need, even when it feels harder to say out loud.

Winston's Wish: answer the questions they actually ask

Winston's Wish note that children often ask direct, practical questions, "will you die too?", "what happens to the body?", and that asking them isn't a sign something's wrong. It's how children process what they don't yet understand. Their advice is to answer honestly, at whatever length the child seems to want.

Child Bereavement UK: grief looks different in children

Child Bereavement UK's guidance explains that a child's grief rarely looks like an adult's. A child may seem fine one moment and be playing normally the next, then distressed an hour later, this isn't a lack of feeling, it's a recognised, normal way children process big emotions, in shorter bursts rather than one continuous wave. Behaviour changes, regressions such as a return to bedwetting, or difficulty concentrating at school, are all listed by Child Bereavement UK as normal grief responses in children, not signs of a deeper problem on their own.

Child Bereavement UK: keep routine steady

Child Bereavement UK specifically highlight familiar routines, school, meals, bedtime, as genuinely protective for a grieving child, giving them a sense of safety when everything else feels uncertain, even while the adults around them are also grieving.

If you don't have an answer

Both organisations note it's completely fine to say "I don't know, but I'm glad you asked me" if a child asks something even you don't know how to answer, rather than inventing certainty that isn't there.

Where to get direct, specialist support

If a child's distress is ongoing, intense, or affecting their day-to-day life over a sustained period, both organisations offer free, specialist helplines built for exactly this:

Winston's Wish — freephone helpline: 08088 020 021
Child Bereavement UK — helpline: 0800 02 888 40

A word from The Care Compass

We haven't tried to add our own voice to this one. Winston's Wish and Child Bereavement UK exist specifically for this, and their guidance deserved to be relayed clearly, not rewritten.

This is general guidance, not a substitute for advice from a child bereavement specialist. If you're worried about a specific child, both organisations' helplines are free and built for exactly this conversation.

You don’t have to navigate it alone.