Early Signs of Dementia: What Families Often Notice First

It often starts with something small. Food past its date at the back of the fridge. A birthday card that didn’t arrive. The same question asked twice in one phone call. On their own, these things mean very little. We all forget things, and getting older brings changes. But when small things start to add up, many families find themselves quietly wondering: is this just age, or is it something more?

In our family, we thought it was the anaesthetic. Mum had a hip operation and wasn’t quite herself afterwards, and everyone said it would pass. Looking back, it was the first time we really noticed. If you’re here because something doesn’t feel right, you’re not overreacting. You’re paying attention.

What families often notice first

Dementia rarely announces itself. These are the everyday changes families most often describe, usually spotted on visits or phone calls rather than all at once.

Around the kitchen and home

• Food past its use-by date, or the fridge nearly empty, or full of the same item bought again and again
• Things kept in unusual places: keys in the fridge, the kettle in a cupboard
• Saucepans burnt, or the hob or taps left on
• A home that was always tidy becoming cluttered, or washing piling up

Post, money and paperwork

• Unopened letters, or bills paid twice or not at all
• Unusual spending, cash going missing, or new “subscriptions” they can’t explain
• Being more easily persuaded by cold callers or scam messages

Appointments, dates and conversations

• Missing appointments, or turning up on the wrong day
• Asking the same question several times, or forgetting a conversation from earlier that day
• Losing track of the day, date or time of year
• Missing tablets, or taking them twice

Everyday tasks and getting around

• Struggling with something familiar: the TV remote, a favourite recipe, the washing machine
• Getting lost on a route they know well
• New knocks or scrapes on the car, or getting flustered when driving

Words, mood and personality

• Losing words mid-sentence, or finding conversations harder to follow
• Becoming withdrawn, anxious, irritable or low
• Giving up hobbies, clubs or seeing friends
• Covering up, or becoming defensive when something is pointed out

Memory loss is the sign most people expect, but it isn’t always the first. With some types of dementia, changes in mood, behaviour, judgement or getting around can come first. Our guide to vascular dementia and frontotemporal dementia explains why.

Normal ageing, or something more?

Forgetting a name and remembering it later, or walking into a room and wondering why, is common at any age. What tends to matter more is a change from how someone used to be, signs that are getting worse over time, and things that start to affect daily life. Several small changes together usually tell you more than any single one.

Other things that can look like dementia

This is important: not every change is dementia, and some causes can be treated. A GP will usually want to rule these out first:

• Infections, such as urine infections (UTIs), which can trigger sudden confusion (delirium) or a sudden worsening, rather than slow changes over months. See our guide to UTIs, delirium and dementia.
• Delirium, a sudden change in confusion, often after an illness, a fall, a hospital stay or an operation
• Depression or anxiety, which can affect memory and concentration
• Medication side effects, or a mix of medicines that don’t sit well together
• Hearing or sight loss, which can make someone seem confused when they simply haven’t heard or seen
• Low vitamin B12 or folate, or thyroid problems, usually checked with blood tests

What to do next

1. Write down what you notice

Keep a simple note of what happened, when, and how often. Real examples help a GP far more than “she’s been a bit forgetful”. Our free “What we’ve noticed” log gives you one page to do exactly that.

2. Talk to them gently, if you can

Choose a calm moment. Lead with care rather than worry: “I’ve noticed you seem tired lately. Shall we get you checked over?” can be easier to hear than “I think something’s wrong with your memory.” Some people don’t recognise the changes in themselves. That can be part of the condition, not stubbornness. Our guide to denial or anosognosia explains more.

3. Book a GP appointment

If they agree, ask to go with them, so you can share what you’ve noticed. If they won’t go, or don’t want you there, you can still write to or phone the GP practice with your concerns. The GP can listen and take your information into account, but normally can’t share their patient’s details with you without consent. They may also let the person know that concerns were raised.

The GP will usually ask questions, check medicines, arrange blood tests to rule out other causes, and may do a short memory test. Nothing in this guide can diagnose dementia; only a proper assessment can. If needed, they can refer to a memory clinic or specialist. Our guides on how dementia is diagnosed and what to ask the doctor will help you prepare.

4. Look after yourself too

Worrying about someone you love is tiring, especially before anyone has a name for what’s happening. Carers UK (0808 808 7777) and Dementia UK’s Admiral Nurse helpline (0800 888 6678) are there for families at this stage too, not just after a diagnosis.

You don’t have to navigate it alone.