Caring for a Parent While Holding Down a Job: You're Not Failing at Either

There’s a guilt that working carers know well. You’re at your desk thinking about your mum. You’re at your mum’s thinking about the deadline you’re missing. Wherever you are, it feels like you should be somewhere else.

If that’s you, I want you to hear this clearly: you are not failing at your job, and you are not failing your family. You are doing two enormous things at once, and that is simply hard.

Being pulled in two directions

When my dad was going through chemotherapy and my mum needed care for her dementia, I was also working. I spent a lot of that time travelling, trying to be there for my dad’s treatment, trying to arrange for someone to sit with my mum for a few hours, trying to hold my job together through all of it.

The hardest part wasn’t the logistics. It was the feeling of being torn. When I was helping one parent, I felt I was letting the other down. They both needed me, and they both needed me at once. That’s a heartbreaking position to be in, and if you’re in it now, I understand it more than I can easily put into words.

I got through it by digging deep for a resilience I didn’t know I had. And, just as importantly, because I had support around me.

The thing that made the biggest difference

I had an employer who was genuinely understanding. They gave me the flexibility I needed at the worst possible time, and I’m clear-eyed about this: without that support, it would have been a far more testing experience than it already was.

Not everyone has that, and that’s exactly why it’s worth knowing what you’re entitled to ask for, and how to ask for it.

Talking to your employer

You don’t have to share every detail of your situation, but a good conversation with your manager early on can change everything. A few things that help:

• Be straightforward about the situation, not just the symptoms. “I’m now my dad’s main support through cancer treatment and helping care for my mum” tells your employer what they need to know without you having to over-explain.
• Come with a suggestion, not just a problem. Flexible start times, occasional remote days, or the ability to step out for calls can make a real difference. Proposing a workable arrangement makes it easier for your employer to say yes.
• Ask what support already exists. Many employers have carer policies, employee assistance programmes or flexible working options you may not know about. It’s worth asking HR directly.

Your rights as a working carer in the UK

UK employees have some specific protections worth knowing about:

• Carer’s Leave . Since April 2024, employees have a right to up to one week of unpaid carer’s leave per year to care for a dependant with a long-term care need. It’s a day-one right (no minimum service needed), and your job is protected while you take it. You can take it as a full week, or as individual or half days.
• The right to request flexible working . All employees can request flexible working from day one of employment.
• Time off for dependants . You have a right to reasonable unpaid time off to deal with an emergency involving a dependant.

Worth knowing: the government has been considering the case for paid carer’s leave, so these rights may improve. Check GOV.UK for the latest.

This is a general overview, not legal advice. Your exact rights depend on your circumstances and contract. GOV.UK’s carer’s leave guidance and ACAS set out the current detail.

Being kinder to yourself

A few things that working carers often need permission to hear:

• You cannot pour from an empty cup. Looking after your own health isn’t selfish. It’s what allows you to keep going for the people who need you.
• “Good enough” is genuinely good enough. You will not do everything perfectly at work or at home during this period. That’s not a flaw; it’s reality.
• Accept help when it’s offered. Let other family members, friends or services take pieces of the load. You don’t have to carry all of it.

You’re not alone in this

Millions of people across the UK are quietly doing exactly what you’re doing, caring for someone they love while keeping a career going. It’s one of the most common and least talked-about experiences there is.

The Care Compass is here to make the practical side clearer, so you have a little more energy left for the people who matter. Wherever you are on The Care Compass Journey, there’s a next step, and we’ll help you find it.

You don’t have to navigate it alone.