Hiding, Hoarding and Losing Things in Dementia: Where to Look, and What Helps

A quick note before you read on: if you've just spent an hour looking for the house keys, or been told you've stolen a purse, it's completely normal to feel frustrated. This is one of the most common, and most wearing, parts of dementia.

Why it happens

People with dementia often lose things because of memory loss. Something gets put somewhere safe, and then the “somewhere” is forgotten. Things also end up in odd places: the remote in the bathroom, tea bags in the fridge.

Hiding and hoarding usually have a reason behind them too:

• Keeping things safe — tucking valuables away feels protective when the world feels less certain
• Feeling in control — holding on to things, or stockpiling food, tissues or papers, can feel reassuring
• Worry that things are being taken — so they’re moved somewhere “safer”
• Boredom or needing something to do — rummaging and sorting can be a comforting activity
• A lifelong habit — someone who always kept things may keep even more now

“Someone’s taken my purse”

When something can’t be found, the mind can fill the gap: “someone must have taken it” can feel more likely than “I forgot where I put it”. It’s often aimed at the person closest to them, which is painful.

• Try not to argue or defend yourself. “Let’s look for it together” usually works better than “Nobody’s taken it”
• If you find it, let them “find” it, rather than proving a point
• But don’t dismiss it completely. Occasionally it is true: a visitor, a scam, or someone taking advantage. If money or valuables really are going missing, it’s worth a quiet check. See Recognising the signs of elder abuse →

If accusations become frequent or frightening, see Hallucinations and delusions in dementia →

Where to look first

Most families end up with a short list of “usual places”. Common ones:

• Coat pockets, dressing gown pockets and handbags
• Drawers, especially among underwear or socks
• Under the mattress, pillows or sofa cushions
• Inside shoes, boots and slippers
• The fridge, freezer, oven or bread bin
• Between books, in plant pots, or behind ornaments
• The bin — check it before it goes out

A tip many carers share: things are often hidden at the person’s own eye level, where they sit or stand. Once you know their favourite spots, keep a note of them.

What tends to help

• Keep spares of the things that cause most panic: house keys, glasses, TV remote, a spare bank card if possible
• Lock away what really matters — medicines, money, important documents, bank cards and jewellery. A small lockable box or cupboard is enough
• Give things a home — one bowl by the door for keys, one basket for glasses and the remote, labelled if it helps
• Use a key finder or tracker tag on keys, purse or handbag
• Leave a “safe” drawer they can sort and rummage through, filled with things that don’t matter if they move
• Don’t empty everything at once. Clearing out a hoard can cause real distress. Deal with the unsafe things first, and leave safe clutter where you can

When it becomes unsafe

Hiding and hoarding are usually harmless. Act sooner if you notice:

• Hidden or rotting food, or food kept past its date
• Paper or clutter near the cooker, heaters or electric fires
• Clutter on stairs or walkways that could cause a fall
• The toilet, sink, bath or bed can’t be used
• Medicines being hidden, saved up or not taken

If the home is becoming unsafe, speak to the GP or social services. Your council’s adult social care team can arrange a needs assessment, and the local fire service may offer a free home fire safety visit.

A word from The Care Compass

You won’t stop things going missing completely. Knowing the usual hiding places, keeping spares, and locking away the few things that really matter will take most of the stress out of it.